Coping with bereavement Bereavement is one of the most distressing experiences we have to face. It involves openly expressing your thoughts and feelings about the death of a loved one. Crying when someone close to you dies is totally normal; it bears witness to the love you felt for the person. You should mourn your dear one as long and as hard as you need to, without waiting for any consolation beyond enfolding arms, a comforting shoulder, or a sympathetic glance. There is no miracle cure to lighten the tremendous suffering the loss of a loved one can bring. Everything has its own time. We tend to believe that grieving ends with the funeral, but the bereaved know this is not the case. Grieving is a process that involves three phases: Shock: The period of initial reactions to the loss is inevitable. These reactions vary in intensity (violent or tempered) and duration (brief or lasting). The shock phase lasts from a few hours to a few days. The support of loved ones, and the need to prepare for the upcoming funeral, really aids in lessening the shock effect. Detachment: It is normal for the irreversible cutting of ties to happen in several stages. In some cases, the detachment process comes easily and relatively problem-free. The cutting of ties is final, but detachment occurs gradually, resulting in many disruptions. Grieving can sometimes bring long-repressed inner conflicts to the surface. Recovery: Along with detachment goes adaptation to the new situation. This involves some difficult paths: soul-searching; functional difficulties; fear of the future; periods of hope, doubt, and despair; and so on. Most people become accustomed to their new reality and grieving should lead to recovery, resuming a normal life. No two people react the same way; each bereavement is unique. Express yourself and let your feelings out. Coming to terms with a loss is a journey that involves many unavoidable steps. The important thing is to respect your own process and take the time to feel your emotions fully. Here are some ways we can help you: by listening; by being with you; by remaining silent; by finding out what you need and want; by helping you take care of yourself; by reminding you of your responsibilities and certain procedures; by speaking discreetly about your loved one, if you are willing. . Collaboration : Hélène Juaire, psychologist 444, Belcourt Street Granby (450) 375-4506 © 2005 - Les Résidences et jardins funéraires Bessette